by Samm Davidson

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My 11-year-old has started calling me “bro,” and it’s all my fault. He never says it in a cute, loving context. It gives off a kind-of frustrated, are you serious vibe. And I’m over it. But while I feel a little boggled that we are here, I don’t think I should be surprised. The line between friend and parent is thin at my house, especially in communication. I’ve set blurry boundaries, and maybe I need to put my foot down.

Both my husband and I are guilty of getting us here. We’ve never shied away from letting our firstborn in on the joke, chatting with him like we’re pals and sharing our sense of humor. We use sarcasm plentifully, love slang, and swear more than we should. I see it as playful banter. But now he’s in middle school and needing a bit of a firmer hand with certain things. And suddenly I am realizing, shit, it’s time to establish a boundary.

I have a middle schooler and the vibe is shifting. Training him out of calling me “bro” with full tween attitude is just one more thing to remind me we’re in a new stage. And I don’t think I love it.

Because it’s still fun, but I need to wear an additional adult hat sometimes now too. One that is a little less playful, and a little more serious. And I don’t love serious things, but suddenly, we need it. I can see his confidence growing, and his curiosity to rebel and challenge things is coming. And as his mom, I need to be prepared to be in charge, something that will be near impossible if I am his “bro.”

So today, we are making a change. Less sarcasm, less casual adult banter, less swearing. It likely won’t happen overnight, and it hopefully won’t be forever, but this next phase of parenting will call for a little less friend and a little more mom. Even if it’s not always as fun. And I will be patient with him as I work to shift the dynamic, since this change might come as a shock to his system. Unfortunately for him, as the oldest child he is my non-volunteer guinea pig at this parenting thing and some things you can only learn through experience.

Samm is an ex-lawyer and mom of four who swears a lot. Find her on Instagram @sammbdavidson.