We lost our 12-year-old golden retriever just a few months after my ex-husband moved out. It felt like life was kicking me while I was down; the whole year was just devastating.

At the time, my kids were 13, 11, and 10. They wanted another dog right away, but I didn’t. Sure, I wanted a dog around, but I knew I didn’t have the bandwidth to train a puppy and start my life as a single mom. I was already navigating being the only adult in the house, and a dog would’ve been too much for me.

We settled into a new routine and things didn’t feel so crazy after a year or two, but I still didn’t have the energy for a new pet. We’d go visit shelters and stop by whenever a family member or friend got a dog and did a lot of dog-sitting. It was enough… for a while, anyway.

And then my kids got more independent. When my oldest graduated high school and my daughter got a job and started driving, I found myself spending a lot of evenings alone on the sofa. There’s nothing like getting the entire night to yourself to spend however you want. But during those nights, it wasn’t a man I craved. It was a dog.

That’s how I knew it was time to have another pet in the house. Being a single mom with older kids means you might have a lot of time on your hands. You might go days or weeks with only a glimpse of your kids. Your house will get quiet. Like, scary quiet, and you will miss the pitter-patter of feet, the hours you spend driving them around, the family dinners and movie nights.

If you don’t have a partner, there’s only so many nights you can lie alone on the sofa before you start to feel really lonely.

So we finally got a dog. My kids really wanted him, but I know I got him for me. My kids will be gone within a year or two, but my dog will still be here. There are stretches when I go weeks without affection from a human, but my dog is always here to snuggle with. Sure, my kids would give the occasional hugs but I miss the closeness we had when they were little. My girlfriends and I always embrace after we get together, but that dog loves me so damn much and it fills my heart to the brim.

I sleep better now that he’s here. I look forward to our walks, and I talk to him the minute I wake up. We’ve settled into a routine, and he genuinely makes every day better. Of course nothing can replace my kids, but having a pet around can help fill the void. Pets are such wonderful companions, and they bring so much joy.

I’m not going to lie, being a single mom with older kids can be hard on the heart. It’s something no one can prepare you for, but getting a pet has been the most helpful thing I’ve done to get through this time in my life, hands down.

Katie lives in Maine with her three kids, two ducks, and a Goldendoodle. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, at the gym, redecorating her home, or spending too much money online.