Did you know that the average American family spends a staggering 27% of their income on childcare? We don’t need to tell you that’s hardly affordable, but just in case you need confirmation, the Department of Health and Human Services states that “affordable” childcare should be no more than 7% of household income. It’s no wonder, then, that many parents (usually moms) opt out of the workforce when their children are young to stay home rather than put most of their income towards childcare. But TikTok creator Paige (@sheisapaigeturner) wants us to start thinking about this matter differently.

“I am begging women to stop comparing the cost of childcare directly to their salary,” she says. “So often when women become new moms, they’ll do the math to determine whether or not they can afford childcare. And when they do this math, oftentimes they compare their salary to the cost of childcare.”

For example: if childcare is going to be $40,000 (which, horrifyingly, is not wildly out of the ordinary for two kids in the US), it may initially seem silly to continue to work at a job where you’re making $60,000. Especially if you’re someone who would like to stay home with your kids. Is the $20,000 a year (maybe, assuming the $60,000 is take home salary and not pre-tax) going to be worth the stress of juggling a career and family? But Paige cautions would be stay-at-home moms not to stop considering the issue at this point.

“This is very short-term thinking,” she says. “The cost of being out of the workforce, even for a short period of time, is very great. So even if you intend just to take a few years off during those high-cost childcare years, when you try to re-enter the workforce you often do so at a lower rate and your career has stagnated quite a bit. It’s very difficult to catch up financially on your retirement, your benefits, your career in general.”

Moreover, she notes, this mentality “puts the burden on women.”

“When we frame it as ‘my salary’ doesn’t cover the cost of childcare, we assume that childcare is the responsibility of the mom alone. The way we should really be thinking about it is as a shared expense [between partners.]”

Much better, she thinks, to look at your household income to see what childcare will cost overall than to simply compare it to your salary.

“That’s not how we think about any other expense in our home,” she says. “When we’re being considered for a mortgage with a lender, they’re not just saying ‘Dad, you have to cover this cost by yourself.’ No! We’re looking at the combined incomes and we’re looking at the mortgage as a shared expense.”

Is it possible to “save money” by dropping out of the workforce in order to not have to pay for childcare? Sure. But in terms of long-term financial planning, it’s far more likely you’re going to be missing out not just on short-term salary but future earnings, career advancement, and retirement goals.

“It is not as simple as a one to one comparison for the five years that your child is going to be in childcare,” she asserts. “It truly has a lifelong impact, specifically on women.”

She goes on to say that she’s not saying you can’t or even shouldn’t leave the workforce to stay home with your kids. It’s a valid option! But it is nevertheless one with consequences — again, primarily for women — that many do not consider.

The comments were full of a mix of success stories and cautionary tales.

“I worked “for free” the first 3 years of my career,” one commenter observes. “Now they’re teenagers and I’m a single mom, but I bought my house on my own and we’re thriving because of my choice.”

“I stayed home & lost my career/pension,” shares another. “We paid in more to his so I would be covered. I got nothing in the divorce. He owes me thousands in child [support] & my career didn’t recover.”

“A job is not just about salary,” says a third. “It’s about a career. About freedom. About independence and a life outside of the home. It gives you SO much!!”

So if you’re in a position where you and your partner are talking about what your family and work lives are going to look like for the next few years, be sure you’re thinking as much about your later years as you are about your child’s first few…